As such it is difficult to give up pride (self-conceit) and attachment (sense of mine-ness). But brothers and sisters I am sharing with you a point, if you put it into practice in your home, if you live your life according to it, then very easily pride and attachment can go away. Generally, there are two things that are responsible for domestic disputes. You do the work and bear expenses, while I do the shopping, and get the material comfort, respect, praise and everything else. These are the things that cause fights and disputes. If these were to be reversed i.e. I do the work and earn a living, you rest and enjoy the comforts. One is not to see respect and praise etc., rather it is to be given to others. Therefore, give these to others, while you follow their instructions, and give them comfort. By doing so, love increases and good-will manifests.
It is the nature of a human being to get his desire fulfilled, and by fulfilling it, he is pleased. Man desires money, honor, praise and to live long. But of these desires, the main desire is, that everything should happen according to my wishes. This is not something beneficial. If the man instead of fulfilling his wishes and desires, starts fulfilling the wants of others, then he will attain the supreme bliss. Only two points have to be kept in mind are – 1) their desire should be just and 2) it should be within our power to do. To do so there is an easy method that we should have a firm determination – not to take anything from the world but to give to the world. Why to give? We have to give, because we have received from the world.
Now I am going to tell you something very important. Listen to it. The purpose of this human body is to attain God Realization and God can be attained very easily if we adopt the right method to live in the world. There is an art to do a piece of work. If the work is done in accordance with it, it is completed very easily. Similarly there is an art to live in this world. The art is to do our duty, without having any desire or lust. We have to take nothing from others. This human body has not been bestowed upon us for sensual pleasures.
Yahin tana kar phala bishaya e bhaayi
(Manasa VII:44:1)
The aim of this human body is to serve others. Prove yourself the best son for parents, serve them to the best of your ability. This human body has not been bestowed upon us for sensual pleasures. If you are a son, be a good son. Serve your mother. Do not want anything from her. Only ask for her blessings to be able to serve her. You can’t get out of your parents’ debt by serving them. We can never be free of what we owe them. There is no way out of this debt. We are totally indebted to our parents. So then what? We can only serve them and make them happy. By making them happy, all our debts are excused. The amount of difficulty a mother has born for her child, the child can never serve to that extent for his mother.
However educated and intelligent we may become, but in childhood we did not know how to sit, but our mother taught us to sit. She taught us to walk, by holding on to her fingers. We did not know how to eat, but mother made us sit and spoon-fed us and gradually taught us to eat. Our brothers and sisters too were in the same helpless boat as we were. Even in this state, after bearing a lot of difficulties, our mother managed to take care of us. While we were between games and sports, breaking things and scraping knees by climbing trees. Other antics such as, grabbing hold off scorpions (bitchuu) and putting hands in fire etc. Mother always protected us.
Sometimes taken over by arrogance, men casually say to me, so what is the big deal in what women do at home? I say to them – try to keep a child for two days on your lap and see for yourself. It is because of mother’s motherly power (maatru shakti) that we have all been taken care off. Therefore however we can, whatever way we are capable, we must serve our parents. Those who don’t understand, pray that they understand to respect their elders. God will not respect, those who don’t respect their parents. No one will trust them, because the one who could not be there for his parent’s, who else would he be there for? God is happy when one serves his parents. By following the orders of elders, certain ‘siddhis’ (accomplishments) can be achieved. Rather God realization can be attained. Therefore, Brothers and Sisters, we must obey our parents.
Serving others with our possessions, will remove our attachment, making us free from attachment and egotism. “Nirmamoha, Nirahankarah,” Let us serve also our peers and those junior to us. Elevating the youth by teaching them about virtuous conduct is also a service, as it will give them the appropriate training and tools to be happy throughout their lives. Let us provide good training to all youth, so that they may become good and virtuous.
Mothers if they desire can lead the world to blessedness. The children are initially placed on their laps, fed by them etc. Therefore the mother’s nature rubs off on her children. By giving the children good training in childhood, mothers can make them very responsible individuals and good citizens of the world, and in turn improve the country and world at large. The influence and training provided in childhood, lasts forever. Unlike men, women have selfless maternal power bestowed by God. If they make the right use of this power, they can be very easily free of all attachment.
Also, let us be generous and benevolent in the use of things. Let us serve the poor, the sick and the distressed that suffer from shortages, as their heart is the abode of God. Therefore, by serving them, we are serving God. Let us not have the feeling of hatred, malice and jealousy towards them. Let individual excellence not become the reason for pride and feeling of superiority. We have become excellent, due to people inferior to us. Therefore the rich should make the best possible use of their money, by helping the poor. It is only because of the poor, that the rich have received the privilege of being called rich. It is the poor that have given this honor and happy feeling to the rich. Therefore it is the duty of the rich to serve them.
Similarly, respect and obey the elders and revered people, as they have brought us up, protected us from harm, given us education, knowledge and wisdom. Doing this one will become free from their debt, free from conceit and learn the art of living in the world. In this way by loving and serving others, you will be liked.
A human being whether a male or a female, a saint or a householder should prove his or her utility. If he does so, he will lead a very happy life in the world. Now the question arises how to prove this utility. The answer is that you should make proper use of your time in the best pursuit. There is nothing as precious as time because if you have time, you can become learned, rich, famous and a good householder. Time can get you all these things, but you can’t get time by giving all these things.
Time is very precious so don’t waste it on trifles. People keep money in safe deposit boxes, but time cannot be saved in this manner. Time can be saved and utilized only by remaining alert. Otherwise it will be wasted away. Those that utilize their time effectively, by having a disinclination for worldly pleasures and an inclination to know the Supreme Essence, become saints and exalted souls.
Time that is devoted to company of divine, the company of saints and devotees of God is the most precious time. Therefore devote your time to the best pursuits such as the study of sacred books, constant remembrance of God, chanting of God’s names and service to others.
Tulayaam lavenaapi na swargam naapunarbhava
Bhagvatsangisangasya matyaarnaamkimutaashishah
(Bhagavata 1/18/13)
Goswami Tulasidas has also declared in the Ramcharitmanas that the sum total of the luxuries of paradise and the bliss of salvation can’t be compared with the bliss of divine company even for a moment.
Taat swarg apabarg sukh dharia tulaa ek ang |
tool na taahi sakal mili jo sukh lav satsang || (V/4)
Avoid wasting time on worldly pleasures, joking, smoking, tobacco chewing, movies, theater, playing cards etc. By smoking you set fire on your time, money, freedom, and health along with polluting the environment. Someone asked a saint whether he smoked. The saint replied that he didn’t smoke but the people made him smoke by blowing a puff of smoke at his face. Thus smokers give trouble to others who don’t smoke.
It is said in the Ramacharitmanas – ‘There is no duty like the welfare of others and there is no meanness like giving trouble to others.’
Par hit saris dharma nahi bhaayi.
Par peeda sam nahi adhamaayi. (VII.40.1)
How pitiable it is to give trouble to others and to disturb their freedom by devoting your time to such useless activity as smoking and drinking alcohol! Is this precious time to be wasted in useless pursuits such as playing cards etc.? No, if one had spent the time in studies, service and doing good to others, that would have been the right use of their time. But instead precious time is wasted for no reason.
By devoting time properly, one can attain God. To a devotee of God, God declares – “I am a servant of my devotees and they are the jewels on my crown.”
Mein hu bhagatan ko daas,
bhagata nere mukutamani.
Thus people who devote their time to devotion become the jewels of His crown.
Let me share with you a very important point, please listen very carefully. This human birth has been given to us for God Realization. There is a way to successfully live this life. If we adopt the techniques for living in this world God realization will come very quickly and easily. For doing any work, there is a certain know how. If we work according to that know how, the work will be successfully completed. Similarly to live in this world, also there is certain know how. So we must understand that know how. If we put to use that ‘know how’, that knowledge than very easily we will be able to live in this world and get beyond this worldly existence.
So what is that know how, that knowledge? Whatever relation one has accepted with another individual, then accordingly efficiently fulfill your duties towards them. Have no expectation from them in return. Want nothing from them, and have no passionate feeling towards them. There is nothing to gain and nothing to give.
Understand that this is a body, and it has not been given to us for taking pleasures from the world.
The third point in the Art of Living in this world is to spend less money for your self. Be economical for yourself. Do more charity and good deeds, protect the elderly, and the poor. Help and serve those who suffer shortage, but make do with simple clothes, food, place to live for yourself.
Brothers and sisters, for each and every one of you, this is a very useful point. One who is extravagant, becomes dependent on others. It is within your power to spend less, but it is beyond your power to earn more. Nowadays, people are spending more, and for earning more they are depending on lying and cheating, abusing trust, being dishonest and more. By doing all of these things how much more is one able to earn? Earning more is not up to us, and that which is entirely in our control, that we are not doing. We continue to be unhappy our entire life.
Understand this my brothers that one can make do with less for their own essential needs. Whether you eat a seven-course meal or you eat roti (bread) and daal (lentils), your body’s needs are met. If the body is sick, then take the medicine. If you are doing something for the maintenance of the body, it
is alright, but when you do it for taste or from the perspective of pleasure in shopping, then it is not alright. It is a big mistake. Don’t run after new tastes and fashions. To escape from them, and to lead a free life, curtail your expenses.
These days, people think it wise to earn money, but actually they are mistaken. They have not earned money, but they have wasted the precious time of their life. When you die, not a single penny will accompany you, all the money that you have earned by foul means will remain in banks, lockers and boxes. But the sins which you have committed by adopting foul means to accumulate money will go with you. The bundle of sins which you have committed by black marketing, smuggling and non payment of taxes will go with you. You think that by doing so you have done something wise but actually you have degraded and harmed yourself. You have accumulated the capital which might have gone with you. When you die, this money will remain here, the other people will use it and you will have to suffer pain. Thus you pave the way to hell. Is it wise ? No, it is a great mistake. You may say that you were not aware of the fact. But now you have known it. So be determined not to earn money by unfair means. Work hard honestly and live within your means, your income. This is the fourth point.
Some people say, why they should not continue earning money by foul means, when their reputation has already been tarnished. But is it wise ? No. So give it up as soon as possible. Suppose a person is having his meal and another person informs him that there is poison in it. Will he continue eating it ? No. He will throw the morsel from his hand and start vomiting. Secondly, they argue that it is difficult to earn a living by fair means because in the world of today, the people and the law force them to adopt foul means. Without it, they can’t live. But I want to ask how long you will remain alive ? You can’t be immortal, you will have to die, one day or the other. so why do you want to die a sinful death ? Has this human body been bestowed upon you to commit sins ? The people who were determined not to commit sins and injustice and worshipped God, achieve emancipation by pleasing God. Brothers, utilize your time in the best of pursuits. Every brother and sister should purify the inner-sense by giving up sins. It will make the life pious for which the human body has been bestowed upon you. therefore, do your duty with justice and honesty.
These days boys are put to auction at the time of their marriage. Their parents demand a dowry of thousands of rupees. Such is the pitiable condition today. Thus girls are humiliated. It is not proper to humiliate womankind in this way. It is a matter of great pain and injustice that women are humiliated to receive money which is transient. I want to request the brothers and sisters to marry their sons to daughters of poor parents. They will do the domestic work more efficiently than the girls of rich families, who instead of doing work will become pre-madonnas.
I heard an incident of a girl whose parents were poor. When she became of marriageable age, the parents of the boy demanded a lot of dowry. being disgusted she requested her father to arrange for the money and afterwards she would set everything right. She also requested him to hand in the money, not to give it as charity. After marriage, she went to here father-in-law’s house. She sat down on the couch and asked her husband to bring her sandals, as her father had bought him for thousands of rupees. The boy being insulted did not eat that day. His mother asked her daughter-in-law, why she had said so. She said that her father had bought him by borrowing that much money. The boy decided neither to fetch her shoes, nor eat food. This situation, forced his parents to return the money and thereafter girl started behaving like a newly married woman. Girls incarnate modesty. It is a matter of great sorrow to humiliate them in the society. It is injustice to adopt dishonest means to incur great expenditure.
Its consequence will be harmful. Those who earn money by injustice at the cost of others, can’t get peace. It will give them a burning sensation. The people who drink milk of a cow, see that there shouldn’t be any hair of the cow that was pulled while milking her. If a single hair is pulled, it will cause pain to the mother-cow, and that which is received by giving pain to others is very undesirable. The parents of the boy should accept only the girl, and not the dowry, because receiving the girl in charity, is a very great charity. They should think that if they get a daughter, they will also offer her as a charity. The dowry is not kept at home, but distributed among Brahmins, daughters of other relatives. The sweets are also distributed among friends, relatives and neighborrs. In this way, all the people are pleased, and you are free from debt. After marriage, when things are sent by the parents of the bride to house of the bridegroom, his parents find fault with them for sending useless things. The bride feels very insulted. Who will like the reproach of the mother? Afterwards when she becomes the woman of the house, she avenges for the insult. Therefore, love and please her. Add something of your house to the things received. The people will praise her mother and she will be pleased. You may say that you will have to incur extra expenses. But by spending a few rupees, you will make her your own, through-out the life. Is it an expensive affair ? No, if you think over it, you will realize that it is cheap because it will please your daughter-in-law and develop the feeling of love and good-will among the members of the family. She will have this good impression, throughout her life. So have the feeling of a little renunciation. The farmers mix the best seed in the earth. Why? So that they may produce a good crop. Similarly, your renunciation will prove fruitful.
Whatever things you have must be utilized properly. Children must be taken care of properly, they must be taught properly, so that they may become good and virtuous. They must develop good inner feelings and sentiments. They must have good characteristics and qualities and their behavior must be good. You have time to earn money, but what are the children doing? How are they being raised? What are they learning? On these things you are totally oblivious and not paying any attention. Oh Brothers! They are the real treasures. They can become great souls and that will be such a great thing. As many great souls that existed, their mothers were very divine and such divine mother’s children turn out great. They have become saints and great souls. Mother’s nature comes in the children. Therefore mothers must want their children to learn good lessons and things in life. But on the contrary, the lessons she gives are just the opposite. She teaches the girls to keep their money in their own possession, so that when there is a separation that money comes to her, and with such teachings she sends her daughter to the in-law’s home. She teaches things like why do you do all the work, let the sister-in-law and others do the work. Don’t do so much work. Now there is confrontation with the husband’s family. Now just think, with such teachings by all mothers, one day you too will have a daughter-in-law and she too will behave the same way. She too will not work and you will complaint that my daughter-in-law does no work. If you do good than things will be good for you. Brothers! good begets good, and evil begets evil. This is the age of Kali
Kaliyug hai is haath de, us haath le,
kyaa khoob saudaa nagad hai.
As you sow, so must you reap. The negotiation is set in place. therefore, serve and respect your mother and father, your in-laws and elders, serve them, give them respect, then these impressions will be imprinted on the children. In old age they too will serve you. But if you do not do this, if you do not serve the elders, then the children too have the same impressions in their mind and their nature too will become the same, i.e. not serve and obey you. Therefore, become good and virtuous.
Nowadays parents teach their children evil habits such as playing, cards and drinking tea etc. The children can’t drink milk, because there is ‘malai’ (cream) in it. How surprising it is ! I recollect my childhood. While drinking milk we used to see the drops of Ghee (clarified butter) in it. So Ghee was added to it and then it was relished. These days, what to speak of Ghee, boys and girls can’t even drink pure milk with cream. They relish tea, which weakens their eyes, disturbs their sleep, and spoils their brain and health. This is their condition.
Brothers, protect and nourish cows in famine. How pitiable it is that you can maintain a car, and a dog, but can’t maintain a cow ! This is the effect of Kaliyug (age of Kali).
Avoid teaching your children bad habits. By affording them fashionable clothes, you become pleased that you are improving the standard of your children, but actually you are spoiling their habits. Lead a simple life yourself and also teach it to your children. Work properly and enthusiastically and advise boys and girls to do the same. Engage a servant only if it is necessary, because a servant will not do the work so well as you do. Moreover, if you know how to do the work which the servant does, he can’t deceive you. Suppose he consumes more things such as Ghee while cooking, if you know how much is to be consumed, you can monitor him. But now-a-days, some people feel insulted in doing manual labor.
Mother Sita, though having thousands of maids at her disposal, cooked the food herself, did every domestic work and served her mother-in-law and other members of the family. Is it disgrading to do domestic work? No. But nowadays, women work in offices, and feel that it is below their dignity to do house work. This will lead to degradation in householder life.
Also form good habits and nature. By doing so, there will be much demand for you everywhere, you will be free from attachment and will achieve the aim of human life. This is real asset which you have accumulated and which will go with you. On the contrary, if your nature is bad, it will go with you to other births and prove harmful.
We cannot remain the same at all times and there will be a time when this body too will become old and incapable of doing a lot. At that time, your children will not come to help out. Then you will complaint that they do not help, that they do not listen. Well! How much have you served your elders? Now why must you expect anything from your children? Therefore imporve your conduct and behavior.
By serving others, you will be free from egotism. Thus you will be free from attachment and egotism and will attain the highest position, while living in the world. Therefore I want to request the brothers and sisters to listen to discourse and put it into practice. By doing so, you will lead a good, free and peaceful life.
Nirmamo nirahankaarah sa shaantimadigacchyati (Gita 2/71)
The man who is free from attachment (sense of mine) and egoism (sense of I) attains supreme peace.
Gita teaches us how to attain salvation, while working in the world. At the time of battle, Lord Krishna advices Arjuna –
Sukhadukhe same krutvya laabhalaabhou jayaajayou |
Tato yudhaaya yujyasva naivam paapamavapyasyasi || (Gita 2/38)
Meaning – Maintaining equanimity in victory – failure, gains – losses, happiness – sorrow, you must engage in battle. Fighting in this manner, by fulfilling your duty, you will not incur any sin.
Even the battle may lead to God Realization. Therefore, do every piece of work enthusiastically, thinking of it as devotion to God. By doing so, you will become pious. Most importantly, remember God constantly.
Narayan ! Narayan ! Narayan !
From book in ‘Art of Living’ by Shradhey Swamiji Shri Ramsukhdasji Maharaj
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